Just for FunCrystal Lake Church of Christ, Crystal Lake, Illinois
Just for Fun
Written by Danny D., age 8, from Chula Vista, California, for his third grade homework assignment to "Explain God" [via e-mail from Sam]
"One of God's main jobs is making people. He makes them to replace the ones that die so there will be enough people to take care of things here on earth. He doesn't make grown-ups, just babies. I think because they are smaller and easier to make. That way, He doesn't have to take up His valuable time teaching them to talk and walk, He can just leave that to mothers and fathers.
God's second most important job is listening to prayers. An awful lot of this goes on, since some people, like preachers and things, pray at times besides bedtime. God doesn't have time to listen to the radio or TV on account of this. Since He hears everything, not only prayers, there must be a terrible lot of noise in His ears, unless He has thought of a way to turn it off.
God sees everything and hears everything and is everywhere, which keeps Him pretty busy. So you shouldn't go wasting His time by going over your parent's head asking for something that they said you couldn't have.
Atheists are people who don't believe in God. I don't think there are any in Chula Vista. At least there aren't any who come to our church.
Jesus is God's Son. He used to do all the hard work like walking on water and performing miracles and trying to teach the people who didn't want to learn about God. They finally got tired of Him preaching to them and they crucified Him. But He was good and kind like His Father and He told His Father that they didn't know what they were doing and to forgive them and God said OK.
His Dad (God) appreciated everything that He had done and all His hard work on earth so He told Him He didn't have to go out on the road anymore. He could stay in Heaven. So He did. And now He helps his Dad out by listening to prayers and seeing things which are important for God to take care of and which ones He can take care of Himself without having to bother God. Like a secretary, only more important of course. You can pray anytime you want out so one of them is on duty all of the time.
You should always go to church on Sunday because it makes God happy, and if there's anybody you want to make happy, it's God. Don't skip church to do something you think will be more fun like going to the beach. This is wrong. And besides, the sun doesn't come out at the beach until noon anyway.
If you don't believe in God, besides being an atheist, you will be very lonely, because your parents can't go everywhere with you, like to camp, but God can. It is good to know He's around you when you're scared in the dark or when you can't swim very good and you get thrown into real deep water by big kids. But, you shouldn't just always think of what God can do for you. I figure God put me here and He can take me back anytime He pleases. And that's why I believe in God."
Blonde Joke
A blonde got into heaven, and when she arrived at the Golden Gates, she was
asked one question: "What is God's name?" She replied, "Andy."
"Andy? Why Andy?", she was asked.
She replied, "Oh, you know, 'Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me, Andy tells me
I am his own.'"
(submitted by MC8000)
What if God had Voice Mail?
We have all learned to live with voice mail as a necessary part of modern life (some of us
more than others!) But you may have wondered, "What if God decided to install voice
mail?" Imagine hearing this . . . "
Thank you for calling My Father's House. Please select one of the following options:
Press 1 for requests.
Press 2 for thanksgiving
Press 3 for complaints.
Press 4 for all other inquiries.
If you would like to speak to Gabriel, press 1,
for Michael, press 2,
for a directory of other angels, press 3.
If you'd like to hear King David sing a Psalm while you're on hold, press 4.
To find out if a loved one has been assigned to heaven, enter his or her social security
number.
For reservations at My Father's House, press the letters J-O-H-N and then 3-1-6.
For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, the age of the earth, and where Noah's
ark is located, please wait until you arrive here.
Our computers show that you have already called once today. Please hang up and try again
tomorrow.
Turn About is Fair Play
A preacher who suffered extremely strained relations with his congregation was finally appointed chaplain at the state prison. Elated to be rid of him so easily, the people came in great numbers to hear his farewell discourse. The preacher chose as his text, "I go and prepare a place for you... that where I am, there ye may be also." (John 14:3)
One Sunday morning a minister was preparing for his message, but his eyes kept being
drawn to the window where he could see the sun shining brightly outside. He started
thinking, "What a great day to play golf!" He called the elder that was in
charge of the worship service and told him that he was not feeling well, and would not be
able to preach that morning. When he got to the golf course, he began playing and
proceeded to get one hole-in-one after another ending with a perfect game.
When he finished the angel Gabriel asked the Lord why he had helped the minister get a
perfect game when he should have been at church. The Lord replied, "Who's he going to
tell?"
(submitted by sreider)
Big Trouble
A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. The two
were always getting into trouble, and their parents could be assured that if any mischief
occurred in their town, their two young sons were in some way involved. The parents were
at their wits' end as to what to do about their sons' behavior. Then the mother heard that
a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children in the past, so she asked
her husband if he thought they should send the boys to speak with the clergyman. The
husband said, "We might as well. We need to do something before I really lose my
temper!"
The clergyman agreed to speak with the boys, but asked to see them individually. The
8-year-old went to meet with him first. The clergyman sat the boy down and asked him
sternly, "Where is God?" The boy made no response, so the clergyman repeated the
question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?" Again the boy made no attempt
to answer, so the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's
face, "WHERE IS GOD?" With that the boy bolted from the room and ran directly
home, slamming his door and hiding himself in his closet.
His older brother followed him into the closet and said, "What happened?" The
younger brother replied, "We are in B I G trouble this time. God is missing and they
think we did it!"
(submitted via e-mail by Sam)
Religious Programming
Jesus and Satan have a discussion as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a
few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest, with God as the judge. They
set themselves before their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code
streaming up the screen, for several hours straight. Seconds before the end of the
competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the
power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over.
He asks Satan to show what he has come up with. Satan is visibly upset, and cries, "I
have nothing. I lost it all when the power went out." "Very well, then,"
says God, "let us see if Jesus fared any better." Jesus enters a command, and
the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from
the speakers. Satan is astonished. He stutters, "B-b-but how?! I lost everything, yet
Jesus' program is intact! How did he do it?"
"Easy," God chuckles, "Jesus saves."
(submitted via e-mail by Marty)
Bone of My Bones
Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam,
"What's wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said he
was going to give him a companion and it would be a woman. He said this person will cook
for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make. She
will bear you children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care
of them. She will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when
you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache, and will freely give you love
and compassion whenever needed.
Adam asked, "What would a woman like this cost?" God said, "An arm and a
leg." Adam said, "What can I get for a just a rib?" The rest is history.
Like most kids, Johnny had a quarter for the collection. When the plate was passed, he
passed the plate, but retained the quarter. After the service the minister was at the door
shaking hands when Johnny approached and said, "I have something for you,
preacher," as he clutched his hand tightly around the quarter.
"What do you have?" asked the minister. Johnny opened his hand revealing his
quarter and said, "I have a quarter for you!"
"Oh, I think you were supposed to put that in the plate; it's your collection."
"I know," said Johnny, "but I saved it especially for you, preacher!".
"Why, thank you, Johnny, but why did you do that?"
Johnny answered, "I saved it especially for you, preacher, because my dad says you're
the poorest preacher he's ever known!"
(submitted by Hank)
One day I taught a friend's little girl the song, "When we all back the preacher,
back the preacher." I thought she had it down really good until several days later
when her mother asked me how the song went. I sung her the first few sentences, but
stopped when she began laughing. Through wails of laughter she said her daughter was
singing the verses as such: "When we all bite the preacher, bite the preacher."
She said she insisted to her daughter that wasn't the way the song went, to which the
daughter replied, "Yep, that's the way it goes. Qujette teached it to me."
(submitted by Qujette)
[Since our congregation sings only acapella, this was especially amusing...]
It has been a while since my sister and I attended church services with one another, as
she is the secretary at her church, and I'm the piano player at mine. But one evening she
decided to join us in service, and was asked to sing with me. Her youngest son mentioned
to my daughter that he wanted to sing, but didn't know which song. My daughter gave him a
suggestion, and he then asked her what if I didn't know it to play it for him. Again, my
daughter answered, "Sing it acapella." He looked at her and said, "But I
don't know that song."
(submitted by Qujette)
There was a minister who liked to drink, but since his congregation was tee-totaling, he kept this a secret. There was a local farmer who knew of the minister's secret vice. After the Fall apple harvest, he offered the minister a jug of apple jack, with one provision: the gift had to be acknowledged from the pulpit. The minister agreed and took the jug of hard cider. The next Sunday, the farmer was in church looking forward to the minister's public acknowledgment of the gift. During the announcements the minister said that he would like to thank Farmer Jones for his gift of a bushel of apples and the "spirit in which it was given."
(From "The Voice", the monthly newsletter of St. Chrysostom's Episcopal Church in Wollaston, Massachusetts. Submitted via e-mail.)
The Painters
Two painters had been hired to paint a house, and so on the designated day,
they began to paint. As they finished the first side of the house, they realized
that they had used so much paint to finish the first side that there wouldn't be enough
paint for the other three. They agreed that if they added a little water, maybe they could
get more coverage out of the paint they had left.
They added water, stirred like crazy, and proceeded to paint the second side only to come to the realization, again, that they wouldn't have enough left over for the last two sides.
They added more water, stirred some more, and painted the third side. Same problem. So they again added water, mixed it up and painted the fourth wall of the house.
As they stood back to admire the outcome of their clever plan, dark clouds began to roll in. Soon the thunder boomed and the lightning crashed, and they watched in horror as the rain washed the paint off of the three sides of the house they had just finished painting.
In utter dismay, they fell to their knees crying, "Why, God, why? After all our work, why does this have to happen to us?"
Suddenly, from the clouds a thundering voice was heard, "Repaint and thin no more."
(submitted via e-mail from Cyndi)
Horse Play
An itinerant frontier preacher had just finished preaching a fine gospel meeting
for a poor church. They had no money to pay him, so an elder of the church offered
him his horse as payment. The visiting preacher accepted his kindness.
The elder said, "Now this is a very unique horse. He has been specially trained
to go forward when you say 'Praise the Lord' and stop when you say 'Hallelujah'. Here,
watch." The elder got on the horse, said "Praise the Lord" and the
horse started forward. He said "Hallelujah" and the horse stopped.
The itinerant preacher thanked him, said goodbye, and hopped on the horse. The
preacher said "Praise the Lord," and the horse started forward.
All was fine until the preacher noticed a deep canyon straight ahead. "Praise
the Lord," said the preacher, and the horse started going faster. "Praise
the Lord," he said again, to which the horse broke into a full run, heading right
towards the cliff. "Oh, no, I said the wrong words! What was the word to
get him to stop? I can't remember! What was it? What was it?"
The obedient horse continued racing towards the cliff, with the preacher shouting any word
that came into his mind. "Repent! Confess! Amen!"
Nothing worked.
Finally, he remembered the magic word. He screamed "Hallelujah!" and the
horse screeched to a stop, just inches from the edge of the cliff and certain death.
Sweating but relieved, the preacher took a deep breath and said thankfully, "Praise
the Lord!"
Devil on the Loose
A man on his way to a costume party dressed as the
devil has some car problems on a country road and has to hoof it. As he walks past a
little country church building the heavens open up with a deluge, so he ducks into the
church for shelter.
It just so happens that the Wednesday night prayer meeting is in full swing, and when the
folks there hear the door creak open they all turn to see that THE DEVIL is at their
church! Needless to say, pandemonium follows, with everyone making a hasty exit --
everyone save one little old lady who gets her dress caught on the corner of the pew and
can't seem to get loose.
The "devil", not aware that he is the cause of the commotion, makes his way down
the aisle to assist the lady, much to her chagrin. The closer he gets, the more panicky
she gets, and finally he is right there beside her. Finally, in a fit of utter desperation
and fear, she looks at him and says, "You know, I have been going to this church for
50 years, BUT I HAVE BEEN ON YOUR SIDE THE WHOLE TIME!"
(submitted via e-mail from Nancy)
Close to the Edge
A young minister was preaching at a rural church and the front seat was not far from
the front edge of the pulpit. He stepped around the podium to the front edge of the
platform to quote Jesus and said, "I come ..." but forgot the rest of the quote.
He stepped back to gather his thoughts and then stepped forward again and said, "I
come..." but had the same mental block again. After stepping back and pausing for a
brief while, he stepped forward with confidence saying, "I come..." only to step
too far and fall forward onto the lap of an elderly lady on the front seat. As he arose he
apologized profusely. She replied, "It's okay, sonny. I can't say you didn't warn
me."
(Submitted by Randy via e-mail)
Picking Out Hymns
During the depression the church had a hard time finding support since so many were out
of work. As the minister started towards the pulpit, he noticed a fifty dollar bill lying
in the collection basket. Stunned and excited, he announced his find to the congregation
and said he was so excited he wasn't sure he could preach.When he proposed that the person
who donated the money could stand up and pick out three hymns, an old maid in the back of
the building stood and then, pointing her finger, said, "I'll take him, him and
him."
(Submitted by Randy via e-mail)
Infant Baptism?
Early in my ministry at a rural church, a woman came forth during the decision time at
the end of a morning service, wanting to be baptized and become a Christian. After sharing
the scriptures with her we took her down to the "baptizing hole" at the creek
and I baptized her.
One of the elders came up to me afterwards and expressed his concern over her immersion.
When I asked what he was concerned about he said that I did not totally get all of her
under the water. When I asked what part did not get immersed, he motioned toward his
stomach. The woman he was talking about was eight months pregnant. I shrugged it off and
told him, "She is OK, because we don't baptize babies in the New Testament
church." He smiled and I never heard him express any doubt after that.
(submitted by Jim via e-mail)
Hymns & Haws
Dentist's Hymn: "Crown Him with Many Crowns"
Contractor's Hymn: "The Church's One Foundation"
Baker's Hymn: "I Need Thee Every Hour"
Weatherman's Hymn: "There Shall Be Showers of Blessing"
Optometrist's Hymn: "Open My Eyes That I May See"
Tailor's Hymn: "Holy, Holy, Holy"
IRS's Hymn: "All to Thee"
Shopper's Hymn: "By and By"
(Above submitted via e-mail by Jake)
Wow, these things are getting popular. Here's some more from someone else.
Golfer's Hymn: "There is a Green Hill Far Away"
Politician's Hymn: "Standing on the Promises"
Gossiper's Hymn "Pass it on"
Electrician's Hymn "Send the Light"
If you must speed on the highway -- Sing these hymns
At 45 MPH... "God Will Take Care of Me"
At 55 MPH... "Guide Me, O Thou Great Jehovah"
At 65 MPH... "Nearer My God to Thee"
At 75 MPH... "Nearer Still Nearer"
At 85 MPH... "This World is Not My Home"
At 95 MPH... "Lord, I'm Coming Home"
At 100 MPH... "Precious Memories"
(Submitted via e-mail from Randy)
End of new additions. New additions will be listed for several months before being moved to an appropriate heading.
I asked the riddles below in a high school VBS class I taught one year. One of my students said, "It sounds like you're making fun of The Bible." I've thought quite a bit about what he said. I have concluded that it is not irreverent to tell tasteful humorous jokes or riddles related to The Bible and spiritual matters. Even Jesus made a pun using Peter's name in Matthew 16:18 when teaching a critical doctrinal point about the Church. Human beings are apparently the only creatures God created on the earth with the ability to laugh and experience humor; perhaps this is even part of what being made in God's image is about.
Religious jokes, of course, like all jokes, should be told with the proper spirit and not with an intent to hurt. I hope the following riddles, jokes, and humorous stories meet Solomon's requirements for "a time to laugh."
Questions: (answers appear below)
Answers:
Do you know what state is mentioned in the Bible? Arkansas [Noah looked out of the "ark and saw".] (Submitted via e-mail from David)
Where are motorcycles mentioned in the Bible?
When Moses' Triumph was heard throughout the land!
(submitted via e-mail)
One of my friend's favorite church songs as a kid was "Up from the Grave He Arose", except he thought the song was "Up from the Gravy He Arose." It wasn't until he learned to read that he found out that the song had nothing to do with mashed potatoes. I can just imagine what picture was going through his mind when he sang that song...
Another man tells of how he thought "Lead On, O King Eternal" was "Lead On, O Kinky Turtle."
As a kid, I remember my parents complaining about the song leader who would often lead "Oh, Why Not Tonight" as an invitation song at the morning service.
Recently I led the song "Jesus Saves" at our Sunday evening service. The song contains the title phrase "Jesus saves" a total of 24 times in four verses! This was just too many "s" blend sounds for me, and in the second verse I accidentally sang "Jesus shaves". I tried my best to control myself, but the traditional image of Jesus with a beard, now with a Bic razor in his hand lathered up in front of a mirror, kept popping into my head. I started shaking up and down, doing my best to keep leading the song with the proper decorum, agonizing that I would repeat my mistake. I don't think I will ever be able to lead "Jesus Saves" again!
My mom (Linda Paul Pitmon) as she
was growing up sang the song "Here am I, Send Me." The chorus of the song was
"Here am I, send me. O' Lord send me." She always thought that it said
"Here am mice and me. O' Lord send me!" (submitted via E-mail by D. Paul)
In The Beginning
What time of the day was Adam created?
Just before "Eve".
Why did God make Adam before Eve?
Because He didn't want any advice on how to do it.
(Submitted by Cathy via e-mail [whew, I'm sure glad a woman submitted this one!])
A man got to heaven and asked if he could go back and get something
else. Permission was granted. While back on earth, he collected all the gold he could
afford. Upon returning to heaven, an angel asked him where he'd gone...the man showed the
angel all of the gold. The angel responded, "Why did you bring a bunch of pavement up
here?!"
Rev 21:21 - "And the street of the city was pure gold, like transparent glass."
(Submitted by Steve via e-mail)
Passing On
Boudreaux Thibodaux had passed on. He was met by saint Peter at the pearly gates. Peter said, "Boudreaux, you have to answer three questions before you can enter heaven. Number one: how many apostles were there?"
"10?", replied Boudreaux.
"Wrong, Boudreaux. Number two: who was the first woman in the world?"
"Uh, uh, Sarah?"
"Wrong, Boudreaux. Be careful, you only have one more chance. Take your time and think real hard. Number three: what is God's first name?"
"Uh, uh ,... Art! Peter, God's name is Art!"
Astonished at Boudreaux's lack of knowledge, Peter asked, "Boudreaux, how ever did you come up with that answer? I just knew you wouldn't miss this one."
Boudreaux replied, "Because, Peter, the Bible says 'my father who "art" in heaven.'
(submitted by Mike via e-mail)
On the day of judgment there was a long, long line waiting to approach the throne. Suddenly, a big cheer went up from the front of the line. Someone came running from the front of the line, and the people at the back asked him, "What's going on? What is all the cheering about?"
"They're not counting Wednesday night! They're not counting Wednesday night!", came the excited reply.
A rabbi and a priest were in a terrible car accident. Both cars were totally demolished, but amazingly, neither were hurt. They crawled out of their cars and the rabbi immediately noticed the priest's collar. "So you're a priest," the rabbi said. "I'm a rabbi. Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God. God must have meant that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days." And the priest said, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God." "And look at this," the rabbi continued, "here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of Mogen David wine didn't break. Surely, God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." The rabbi handed the bottle to the priest. The priest said he agreed, took a few big swigs, and handed the bottle back to the rabbi. The rabbi took the bottle, put the cap on and handed it back to the priest. The priest asked, "Aren't you going to have any?" And the rabbi replied, "No...I think I'll just wait for the police." (submitted by elisha via e-mail )
Jesus is Watching
A burglar enters a home and is greeted by "Jesus is watching!"
He shines his flashlight around and finds no one.
He takes another step to hear "Jesus is watching you."
This time he shines the light to discover a parrot.
He asks, "Was that you talking ?"
The parrot answers "Yes."
The burglar asks, "What is your name?"
The parrot replies, "Clarence."
The burglar asks, "What idiot named you Clarence?"
The parrot replies, "The same idiot that named the Doberman Jesus."
(submitted via e-mail by George in NW NJ)
Anachronism?
Abraham announced to Isaac one day that he had decided to upgrade their family computer to
Windows 95. Isaac said, "But father, we don't have enough memory!" To which
Abraham replied, "Don't worry, my son, the Lord will provide the RAM."
(heard on NPR's "Prairie Home Companion")
The Bible says that baptism saves us (I Peter 3:21). But sometimes this solemn and essential act of obedience gives rise to the unexpected...
[The following 3 stories are quoted from an article by Jan Doward, Insight Magazine (7th Day Adventist), May 24, 1983, taken from his book These Times..]
One day my youngest daughter phoned. "Dad," she laughed, "you'd have cracked up today in our church. During a baptism one of the older ladies lost her wig, and the pastor picked it up like some drowned rat and handed it to her as she stepped out of the water. We had to sing about two dozen hymns before she'd come out to meet the congregation. It was a gas!"
The following story occurred at a small church in back-country Georgia during a husband-and-wife immersion:
From what I was told, it was one of those cozy arrangements in which the deacons have to move the pulpit and lift the floorboards to expose the baptistery. Sheets were hung over wires to form a "dressing room" on each side of the baptismal tank. The husband had already been baptized and returned to change into his clothes when his overweight wife descended the rickety stairs to the water. But the last step cracked and collapsed under her. As she lunged forward staggering past the pastor, her arms wildly flailing out for something to grasp, she caught the sheet on the opposite side and tore it down, exposing her shocked husband to the whole congregation. As he stood there without his robe, he made a quick and stunning decision. Diving headfirst into the baptistery, he disappeared for safe hiding. I don't know how many hymns they had to sing to bring the congregation back into line after that performance.
But lest someone get the idea that small country churches have a corner on humorous situations, let me share something that happened recently in a plush suburban setting. This was one of these churches that had installed a glassed-in section in the lower part of the baptistery so the congregation could witness the underwater activity during immersion. Apparently bubbles and bloated faces are meaningful for many folk, adding a dimension to the sacred rite. But this time the whole congregation was afforded far more visual excitement than originally scheduled.
The first man baptized arose from the water totally confused and headed up the stairs to the ladies' dressing room. By the time he realized his mistake, another candidate had taken his place in the water. He patiently waited behind the curtain for the right moment. Just as the next party slipped under, he went into action. But the audience never saw the baptism. Their wondering eyes beheld only a black-robed body desperately swimming underwater across the font!
I'll never forget the time the preacher's son was baptized. The father proudly laid his son back into the water for the great occasion, but the boy must have had a fear of water. He shot up out of the water like a Trident missile, sputtering and gasping for air, wildly flailing his arms, grasping desperately for the edge of the baptistery. I controlled myself until I glanced at my wife, who was glancing at me. We, like most of the rest of the congregation, were shaking uncontrollably up and down with our stifled laughter.
Charismatic Happenings
[We don't believe the miraculous gift of tongues is still in effect today (I Cor.
13:8), but this true story must have been something to see!]
I am Pentecostal and believe in shouting and speaking in tongues. One Sunday night the group that I was singing with was called up to sing. As we started our song the congregation arose to their feet in worship and praise. At just the right moment a mouse ran up my leg, unseen by the congregation, but it was viewed by the other singers. I jumped away from the piano, arms flailing, screaming to the top of my lungs, turning the bench over, and jumping up and down.
My preacher hit the floor, arms raised: "Bless her Lord," he shouts and begins to praise the Lord. Needless to say the rest of the group was in the floor laughing. The service wasn't the same that night.
(submitted via e-mail by Stuart)
[The following are from the Christian Chronicle, November, 1989]
More Bulletin Bloopers
Here are some actual problem sentences found in church and denominational
bulletins and/or newsletters:
VBS poster contest ends today. Sinners will be announced next Sunday.
(Ooh, the "s" is so close to the "w" on the
keyboard; submitted via e-mail from Ed and Jenny)
Being in church seems to magnify the humor of a situation. Have you ever tried to suppress your laughter, only to have the laughter bubble up, making you shake uncontrollably up and down? Maybe, like me, you've even let out a little snort when you just couldn't quite contain yourself.
I was preaching for a rural congregation in Tennessee. One of the elders was named
Louie Jones and his wife was named Sue. One Sunday a brother was making announcements and
it was Louie and Sue Jones' anniversary. He announced, "We want to congratulate Louie
and Sooie on their 50th wedding anniversary." The congregation couldn't stop
laughing.
(submitted via e-mail by iukacoc)
As a kid, I remember losing it the day after a "Peanuts" special was on TV. A man named Charles Clarke was supposed to lead the prayer, but the man officiating mistakenly called on "Brother Charlie Brown" to lead in prayer.
I still find it hard to control myself when one of the good brothers at our church, concerned for the ailing members of the congregation, prays for "those who are sick of this church."
Public address systems often amplify far more than singing or sermons. An evangelist friend of mine consistently wears a [wireless] transistor lapel mike during his meetings. Once, however, he forgot to turn it off when he recessed for the men's room during the song service. Interspersed throughout the singing the congregation distinctly heard through the speakers the sound effects of whistling, the toilet flushing, washbasin filling, and paper towels pulled from the holder and crumpled.
When my friend returned to the platform, he whispered to one of his associates,
"How's it been going?" The associate pointed toward the lapel mike and whispered
back, "You ought to know; you were on!"
But the one that has always ranked highest on my list happened during camp
meeting. More than 20,000 people were present. On the platform was a church official named
Elder Belleau (pronounced "Bellow"), who was slated to offer the morning prayer.
but the nervous ministerial intern, whose only job for the occasion was to introduce the
church leader, got up before that great concourse of people and solemnly announced,
"Elder Pray will now bellow."
It took more than thirty minutes of singing to bring that congregation back to some semblance of a prayerful attitude. Each time it seemed the proper moment had arrived, a ripple of laughter would begin somewhere, and off they'd all go again. Truly a great moment to remember!
(above quoted from Jan Doward, Insight, 5/24/83)
A great religious gather in the Midwest a few years ago had a keynote address speaker begin with, "Puke and weany men that we are... I mean, weak and puny men..." It's doubtful anyone remembered much of anything else that evening. (Jan Doward, Insight, 5/24/83)
News from the Mission Front:
I just returned from Thailand Monday. I was working with Brother Eddie Ee of
Singapore while in Thailand. I heard him give this illustration concerning correct
communication. I thought it was humorous. He read an ad in a newspaper that went as
follows: Dog for Sale -- Eats anything -- Loves Children.
(submitted via e-mail by iukacoc)
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